One of the arguments often used to support the view that sign language should be preferred for the profoundly deaf child is the idea of ‘having a deaf identity’. By this, people mean that sign language gives access to a different world, the Deaf Community, of which each deaf person has a right to be part. And certainly there are many adult deaf people who have made this choice and asserted their right to be Deaf.

A deaf person who has never been encouraged to develop their listening and talking skills and has access only to sign language has no choice. His or her deafness will always be the first thing that other people notice.

Karen says “To date Ross hasn’t learnt any sign language. We preferred to concentrate on developing spoken language first. He might like to learn sign language later so that he can communicate and make friends with deaf children. We would be happy for Ross to enter the Deaf Community later if he chooses - we hope that he will have all his options open and have the freedom of choice. “

A deaf teenager or young adult who has been brought up to listen and talk may and can decide later for themselves to focus either for a time or for the rest of their lives on being Deaf. They can exercise their right to learn sign language and become part of the Deaf Community. They have a choice.

Most of us develop our ‘sense of self’, the parts of ourselves we want to develop, the idea of the person we want to be during our teens and twenties and, over the years, we may change our minds. That, too, is our right. What does not happen for most of us is that our parents make these decisions for us as babies or toddlers.

Stephen, profoundly deaf, in his twenties, speaking for himself: “When I finish my postgraduate course, I have a good career ahead of me. My girl-friend and most of my friends now are hearing students at my university. We have the same interests. I used to belong to a Deaf Club at home; they were mostly using sign language but I’ve lost touch. I don’t come across them at college.”

Remember the basic difference is one of values and opinions not facts.

Either you believe that the most important thing about your child is that he or she is deaf and that s/he should learn from the very beginning that s/he is part of a different group, identifying mainly with other Deaf people, sharing sign language and Deaf Culture. This also means accepting that communication with most other people for the rest of her/his life will be through interpreters. Or you believe that your child is just like other children in the family, the street, the neighbourhood, (except that his/her ears don’t work as well as you would like) and that s/he should have all the opportunities offered by participating fully in the hearing world, sharing every day life with the family. And being free later to make their own choices.

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